Sham Saenz

Recently I went up to Portland to see the guys. I would like to start by saying that these are the best friends I have ever had in my life. They have endured my bullshit for years. Why they stand by me is beyond me.

I am still in the process of getting permission to write about them and all the bullshit I put them through. So let me start here with Todd and Dave. Todd is a college graduate; a professional social worker in San Francisco. Dave is the guy in the middle of the picture who got the shit beat out of him. I also heard that he got his drivers license recently.

Todd has been my guardian angel for years now. I always tell him if I had to kill someone and needed someone to help me move the body, it would be him. I say this as the highest compliment you can give a guy from Boston. You know Boston, the birthplace of our great country and the home of keep your fucking mouth shut.

I can’t tell you how many times Todd has taken me to the psychiatric ward for intake; more than ten, less than fifty. The best was when I was transferred to his work at a dual diagnosis live-in facility. It is basically a homeless shelter for people who are a danger to themselves and to others. So I was like cool, I get a bed and Todd and I can hang out.  Let me put it lightly: he did not feel the same as me.

I could go on for hours about the crazy shit I have put Todd, Dave, Matt, Ben and Alex through over the last sixteen years, but it would offer nothing in the way of the immense humility and love that I feel for these friends. I too often gauge my self worth by what I think people think of me and it is usually someone who does not even like me. I should pay attention to the people right in front of me who care for me. A couple of days before Christmas I talked to Todd. He went to the store and got shit to make sugar cookies for my boy to give to Santa. We climbed on my roof and hung Christmas lights. On Christmas day, Ben texted me letting me know he was thinking of me and my family and to keep my nose clean. The day after Christmas I went up to Portland again to see Dave and Matt and to have dinner. On New Years Day, Alex was the first one to text me that it’s a new year. Some friendships are formed in school and some friends are there by default.  I feel that the friendships that I have today have been forged in fire and I wouldn’t have it any other way.